Night out with the guys

I decided to meet up with friends. To be honest I was expecting a friend but wasn't surprised when I saw two others with him. Anyways, during our chillout night I couldn't help but notice that I was going to be under the spotlight.
One of the friends that came had always tried to understand me. I guess it was because I was always smiling and happy. I guess being like that made it obvious the kind of person i am. The type that, like I've mentioned to them, is peaceful and happy.  But tonight, being a guys night, was the night he decided to 'change' me. Making me realize the type of guy I am. To be honest, I hate being put into a situation where I am exposed.
The discussion was primarily me not being a man. My attitude and especially my personality are complete fags. Giggling and being nervous seemed to be my only sabiour st the moment. I know I don't have strong comebacks but being hit by truth when unexpected really does affect me severely.
The test of manhood, until today I do not understand the logic or importance of it defining who you are. Punching or even kicking a person to show your a man doesn't make sense to me. Explaining that by doing this it shows how you'd react to such a situation doesn't make sense to me. I can see a line separating friends from foe. I assume that it is what alerts me to know when something is not right. But to tell me that you should hit back then ask question as a way to protect your pride no matter who it is, I am soft. I am soft. I am soft and until I  change I will forever be soft. That's my choice.